Let’s get the conversation started

Student affairs is all about conversation – conversations to network and share ideas, to connect to students and colleagues. We converse in person, through email and even on social media sites. Conversation is how we can learn and improve ourselves and this field. I recently had a conversation that was probably the most productive and simultaneously one of the most difficult conversations I’ve ever had.

Currently, I serve as a part time Residence Director at a small college in Boston. I have one of the most amazing staffs I could have ever asked for and though probably the most unlikely to ever get along the year has been great. I have the smallest staff on campus and as a result my RAs are on duty almost 3 times as much as any other staff.  The building is fairly quiet, though, so duty is not so laborious as some other buildings on campus. All year long the staff has been great about helping each other out when it comes to covering or switching duties and just being a support for one another. One staff member in particular has had a rough year in terms of maintaining academic success, balancing personal life, and being healthy. He’s a great student – probably one of the most intelligent people I have ever interacted with.  He is also the existentialist on staff – always asking “what’s the point? How does all this matter?” and a series of other questions for which I do not always have an answer.  This year he has been sick quite a lot (likely a result of the lack of sleep and high stress of balancing her academics with this leadership role). The staff has been supportive of him throughout it all, but occasionally there are grumblings about having to pick up duty or help with other RA tasks. I decided after her last bout with sickness it was time for some conversation about him and his future as an RA.

I am not a fan of having these tough conversations, especially with people I care about and who I know quite well. I find conduct hearings easier than this.  Nevertheless, I think it went well. I think he left the meeting feeling upset that she may have let me and the staff down but also determined to prove to me that he could be an RA and a good one at that. I have faith that this “come-to-Jesus” talk will only motivate him to succeed in the last 38 days of school. We made a plan to reevaluate the situation in a few weeks and I let him know that if he decided to not continue in his capacity as an RA in the upcoming year he would not under any circumstances be letting me down.

It’s not easy having these conversations but it is necessary. If this 1.5 hour conversation helps him re-prioritize and become a better leader and a better RA then that’s great. If he realizes in the end that next year he needs to focus on herself and step back from being an RA, then that’s great too.  I know that there are many more of these tough conversations to come in the future (and I’m sure I will be on the receiving end of at least a few of them). And although it may be much easier to avoid having them, it’s important to remember that it’s essential. Students and professionals alike can both learn and grow.

Conversation is the laboratory and workshop of the student. – Ralph Waldo Emerson